Monday, December 29, 2008

Santa rocks!

Some recent emails sent from Guinness to Santa (Yes, Santa has an email address.  Didn't you know?):

Dear Santa,
The super smash bros is broken.  When I put it in the wii it said it couldn't read the game.  You can pick it up and bring me another one.  Email me when your [sic] ganna [sic] come
From, Guinness

Two days later, Santa still hasn't replied yet.  One presumes that he has taken Mrs. Claus on a much deserved vacation.  Or maybe they have just returned from a vacation, say Thailand, and haven't gotten around to dealing with "real" life yet....

Dear Santa,
When can you come to pick up super smash bros?  let me know.
from, Guinness

My first thought:  I need to give Guinness some etiquette rules in letter writing.  He skips all niceties and is pretty demanding.

My second thought:  I need to give Guinness some etiquette rules in life in general.  He skips all niceties, is pretty demanding, and has deplorable table manners.

My third thought:  I guess this answers the question whether or not he still believes in Santa.

My fourth thought:  Damn!  And Santa was doing so well this year compared to year's past!

Aside from the malfunctioning Wii game (and online research indicates that it is our Wii console that is at fault, not Santa's), Santa rocked this year.  He read their minds perfectly and got what they most wished for.  Cayman got her hamsters, and Ellington got his gingerbread cookie - the kid is too easy for words.  And though SSBB wasn't actually on Guinness' wish list, he told me on Christmas morning that he actually wanted it, but didn't think Santa would give it to him.  Oh, but the items that did actually make the list seemed so much more possible: an Xbox 360, Guitar Hero World Tour, and Rock Band 2....

I can't say that Santa has always been so successful in reading the kids' minds.  Three years ago, Cayman had asked for a Barbie doll and a Woody doll from Toy Story.  Little suspecting that the Woody doll was the "must have" gift of the year, Santa didn't start his Christmas shopping early enough and found Woody was on back order until after Christmas and only available on eBay for more than twice the MSRP.  Not one to be fleeced, Santa chose to give Cayman the Barbie doll instead.  

Come Christmas morning, Cayman came running to the Christmas tree yelling, "Where is my Woody doll?  Where is my Woody doll?"  She ripped through all her gifts, including the Barbie doll, literally tossing them over her shoulder.  Alas, there was no Woody doll.  I think we still have on video tape Michael muttering "Santa sucks...."

Sunday, December 28, 2008

The difficulty with mythical creatures is that they are completely unreliable.  Take the Tooth Fairy.  Last week she completely forgot to stop by and pick up Cayman's first lost tooth.  In fact, right after I woke the kids up the next morning, I distinctly heard an "oh crap!" whispered through the air.  Sure enough, Cayman reached under the pillow to find...her tooth still there.

I struggled to figure out how to explain this surprising turn of events.  I expressed shock, surprise, dismay.  Then settled on disbelief and uncertainty.  While Cayman was brushing her teeth in the bathroom, I ran back to my room some unexplainable "big people" things.  And then came back and asked Cayman again, are you sure that she didn't leave a note or anything?

We looked under her pillow, looked under the bed, removed all her blankets.  Finally, I even overturned her mattress, and that's when I finally had the opportunity to....  I mean, that's where we finally found it.  A HK$20 bill and a note written on stationary that looks suprisingly like the one in my desk, but that I predict will soon conveniently disappear.

The Tooth Fairy explained that she thought Cayman would want to show her first lost tooth to her Daddy, who happened to be out of town on business, and politely asked her to leave this fist tooth under her pillow with her next tooth.  Of course, she failed to explain why she chose to leave the note and money under the mattress, rather than under the pillow as she normally does.  And we can't presume to understand the capricious nature of fairies....

Actually, upon further reflection, the Tooth Fairly may have a faulty memory, but she sure can think fast upon her feet!