Thursday, February 12, 2009

Someone shoot that fiddler on our roof

They say that traditions are a valuable way to keep kids grounded and help them feel like an integral part of society.  I say traditions are just a way to force parents to keep doing things that originally might have seemed like good ideas, but maybe not so much anymore.  

Like Christmas presents from Santa?  Three gifts seemed so cute when Guinness was 1 and the gifts consisted of a stuffed animal, a sippy cup, and a ball.  Still reasonable when Guinness was 1, Cayman was 6 months old, and the gifts were two stuffed animals, two sippy cups (you can never have too many!) and two other assorted, small toys.  It is absolutely ridiculous now that the kids are 8, 6, and 4.  Hamster cages, Wii games, Legos and six other assorted, relatively expensive toys from Santa, plus one each from Mom and Dad, plus one from each of them to each other.  Our Christmas went from a tranquil Norman Rockwell scene to a Jackson Pollack explosion of strewn gift wrapping paper.  But the kids all know that Santa always gives three gifts each. It's a tradition.

I  just finished baking 80 heart-shaped sugar cookies to staple to the kids' Valentine's Day cards.  It's an early night for me to finish by 11:00 pm.  I must be getting good at this, because last year I was still baking after midnight.  Fortunately, Ellington's teacher specifically asked that we not send in candies or cookies as some kids have food allergies and cannot be depended upon to self-regulate.  Next year, I'll be baking 120 cookies, so I'll probably be back to my midnight baking sprees.

Why?  Tradition, of course.  I blame Hallmark for turning this into a kids' holiday of exchanging Valentines to classmates they don't necessarily love or even like.  Last year, I intercepted a card Cayman wrote for a frenemy that actually said "I hat [sic] you" and had to explain why that might not be appropriate, especially on a Valentine's Day card.  I continue to blame Martha Stewart for convincing me that store bought treats are tacky.  And I blame Williams-Sonoma for tempting me with adorable but time- and labor-intensive decorating ideas.

Of course, I blame myself for being such a sucker.  A couple years ago, I decided to go part-time after the Christmas holidays.  Valentine's Day was the first holiday I could throw myself into for the kids.  The night before, I sat in the family room with reams of red and white tissue paper and spools of ribbon around me, putting together candy bombs for Guinness and Cayman to hand out at school.  (Ellington was still in daycare at the time and the choking hazards would definitely not have been appreciated by anyone.)  Michael came home, took one look, and just asked "Why?"  I replied, "Isn't this why I went part-time?  To do more for the kids?"  He thought about it for a minute, said "Actually, yes."  Then went off to play computer games while I continued to sort, gather and tie.  I didn't mind at the time.  I only had to make 30 total and I was doing it in front of American Idol anyway.

And that started the Valentine's Day tradition of homemade cards and treats that I just can't get myself out of now.  The kids came home from school today asking when I was going to make the Valentine's cookies.  "Do I really have to?" I whined.  Yes, I whined.  The response was pure bafflement from them.  Of course Mommy has to make cookies to go with the cards.  It's a tradition.

At least the kids were all old enough to make their own cards this year, though quality control was an issue.  

Ellington started out by stuffing blank paper into envelopes.  Luckily I intercepted them and explained why it might be nice for him to draw a picture on the paper and sign his name before stuffing them into the envelopes.  He did eventually make a couple more creative cards.  One of them had a bunch of little pom poms with googly eyes glued on them.  I was so tempted to write in "I only have eyes for you", but decided to let him keep his creative integrity.

Guinness spent too much time on the first half of the cards, with long messages written in secret codes inside. When we ran out of envelopes, he wrapped them in colored tissue paper.  Of course, these were for the boys in his class.  The girls' cards consisted of sloppily folded pink construction paper with "Happy Valentine's Day.  Love, Guinness" scrawled in pencil.  That's it.  I supposed I should be glad for his innocence.  I am sure I will rue the day his priorities get reversed and the girls get all the time and attention.

Cayman's cards were elaborate pieces of artwork, with cut out hearts and crunched up tissue paper flowers.  Then at the end, she counted her cards and realized that she had forgotten someone.  "There are 20 kids in my class, but I only made 19.  I think I'm missing a girl.  Alex, Alexandra, Jaik, Samara....  Who did I miss?  Who did I miss?"  "Hmmm...could it be a silly girl named Cayman?"  Silence.  "Oh."

One more holiday tradition over and done with.  St. Patrick's Day is coming up and the thought passed through my mind that I could do some fun stuff with Guinness.  The beer, I mean.  And the kid too, I guess.  I heard there is a great recipe for Guinness flavored ice cream....  But do I really want to start another tradition that I will be stuck with for the foreseeable future?  Nah!  Thank God we are not Irish!

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